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Words Especially Matter to a 7♣

7♣ Birth dates:

March 29 August 19

April 27 September 17

May 25 October 15

June 23 November 13

July 21 December 11

Imagine a scenario in which two of your children are playing together in the kitchen while you are cooking dinner. They are behaving well and so you quietly do your thing. Now imagine the same scenario but one of your children is hitting the other sibling with a wooden spoon. You’d likely direct a negative comment at the misbehaving child. The point is that some adults parent by being reactive rather than proactive. As such, they are programmed to communicate criticism more often than praise.

Educational research has shown that the most effective praise-to-criticism ratio is 4:1. That means for every one negative comment that is directed at a child an adult should direct 4 positive comments in order to maintain good self-esteem in a child. However, this ratio is different for a 7♣ child because they are prone to negative self-talk. When an adult directs a negative comment at a 7♣ child, the child often repeats that comment over and over again in their mind. While it's difficult to say what is a good praise-to-criticism ratio for a 7♣, suffice it to say an adult working with a 7♣ child should just try to direct positive comments whenever possible. This may mean the adult needs to learn new ways of communication. It’s all about noticing authentic examples of positive child behavior and then specifically communicating about it to them. Here are some examples:

· I really appreciate that you turned down your music while I was on the phone.

· It was so kind of you to share your cupcake with me.

· Thank you for cleaning up all your toys before bedtime.

· I am proud of you for working hard on that math homework.

· I am impressed with how well you supported your friend.

· Thanks for helping me by putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

· That was generous of you to share your Legos with your brother.

· While that was a tough soccer game, I appreciated how you tried your best.

· You did a nice job being careful when you pet the neighbor’s cat.

· I like how you talked calmly to your sister when she was pestering you.

· Thank you for waiting patiently and quietly for me so I could finish my phone call.

· That was thoughtful of you to do that for me.

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